I started a live journal about 3 months or so ago .. and needless to say it just wasn't cutting it.. it lacked the creative outlet I was pursuing ..I guess...
This is a fresh start to panning out my thoughts about life.
Currently, I am on Christmas break from school and just like every other break.. the millions of thoughts that I was able to push aside with studying , my social life, and work suddenly seize the opportunity due my lack of incoming information and has bombarded my mind with questions like "Who are you?, Where are you going?, Are you the person you want to be? and if not How are you going to become that person?"
I would hope if you are on break that your mind is giving you a little more rest than mine.
I have decided that before I can even begin to attempt to answer those question I must first start by answering a few other questions.
What background did I come from?
Where to begin?
First off, I have grown up in a military family my whole life. I have 6 siblings.. aka an army no lie. My parents are incredible. My mom is the best cook and i am not just saying that because she is my mom. She was an art and english major in college and her watercolor paintings have been mistaken as photographs. Unbelievable. But the things she does such as art and cook don't define why she is amazing.. she is amazing because she patient in all she does in order to do everything in the best of her ability. If you are looking for the "sliver lining" to a situation she can find so much "silver" that it is no longer a lining but a border.... a really thick border. In most ways we are nothing a like. She is content to just be my mom and I on the other hand, am always itching for something more. I use to always think that the reason why I wasn't satisfied why who I was .. was because I didn't know how to just settle and be content with where I was at.. But over the years I have gained a realization that my satisfaction what was missing was a actually in a sense a good thing.
C.S. Lewis once said (if you start reading my blog you'll see that I quote him like it's my job.)
"If God is satisfied with the work, then the work can be satisfied with itself"
After reading that quote I came to the conclusion that God was satisfied with the work my mom was doing for God's glory with the gifts he has given her. I on the other hand am not satisfied largely because I know that God has given me the potential to do many things for his glory, but for right now I am going to have to be patient and trusting. God has called me to do certain things that take lots of time in preparation and the unsatisfied feeling I have has been a key component in helping me strive to accomplish these goals. The thing I have to remind myself is that the best things is life take time to develop. Things like friendships, my relationship with God, and even goals all take time to grow. These things can't be rushed to turn into what we want them to be. These things require trusting God in every aspect that we might fully know our purpose in him. If we do end up rushing any of these things we are let down by the result and ourself because we were dependent on ourself. We are left unsatisfied because we expected our cookie cutter plans to go perfectly in an imperfect world! I am not sure if that is completely right and anyone is free to provide their thoughts on this by all means. sorry if I lost in that whole bout rambling but then again these are just my thoughts.
Now for my dad. This man is wise not by his own understanding but because he seeks God's counsel first. Awesome, I know. He will give you advice when you ask or he'll ask you if you wouldn't mind if he gave you a few words of wisdom and if you said "No" he'd be fine with that response.. but he is the kind of Guy that you are just dying to know his opinion. Seriously, almost half of my siblings are married and have their own families now.. yet they still call to ask my dad for advice.. You probably are thinking "duh, they call because he is their dad".. that was my perspective too for sometime till I worked in the same building as my dad. Then I realized just how rare of an individual my dad is.. I mean I worked in a building with a good 6, 000 other people and whenever someone heard my last name they would be like.. wait are you related to Tom Walrond?" and the first time I was asked that question I wasn't sure if I would get a good or bad reaction from the truth.. but I took a breath and said "yes I was his daughter".. the first words that came out of their mouth usually was.. "I hope you know how lucky you are.. you have such a wise father and he is a person I could only hope to live up to." That was when I really sat back and realized how lucky I actually was to have such amazing parents!.. I mean come on.. there are people who kill to have such caring and loving parents as I have. yes, I am no question about it blessed.
Ok so here it goes with my siblings...6 right!
My oldest brother is Zach.. we are too a like to even start describing and I used to never want to admit that we were ... I guess it's one of those sibling things where you hate to say you are alike regardless haha sad huh! It honestly took my brother going off to college for me to actually appreciate who he was and that's when I started accepting our similarities as a blessing that some people don't have the chance of having. He is the kind of guy that is leader in all he does. I know that is broad to say "all" but I believe if you are a leader at heart and you put your heart into everything you do then you can't help but be a leader in .. "all" you do. Before my brother went off to school we would argue for the sake of arguing.. If we had just noticed that we were making the same points in different ways.. we would have made a killer debate team!
I love my brother. He is now married to an amazing young lady and is a C17 pilot:) in the air force. I remember it was the day of my brother's rehearsal dinner and I was curled up in my bed because I hadn't eaten in two days because everything that went down came RIGHT back up. disgusting. Zach came into my room and sat next to me and was asking how I was feeling.. I was so upset that I HAD to be sick right before my brother's wedding... Right as he asked me I told him I wasn't doing alright.. and burst into tears. He asked what was the matter.. and I was like are you sure you are marrying the right girl? I told him I wasn't sure his fiance was good enough for him because at the time i didn't know his fiance very well and I thought that there was absolutely no way that she could possibly know my brother's true worth! Thankfully he reassured me that he knew this was the woman that God wanted him to marry. And he was right, she is. Thank goodness my brother is never one to self doubt. Brie(my brother's wife) is just what my brother needed for a wife. So I had one of those foot in mouth moments that occurs a lot and shows me just how much more I still have to learn.
My oldest sister and my best friend is Kayla. Believe me we were not always best friends.. it was a roller coaster of a friendship for the longest time growing up and I am not even sure you could have called it a friendship then.. and that was because she had to live in the same room as me. hahhaha I am not sure if I need to go any further but anyways...we both basically did everything in our power to get on each others last nerve and for anyone who was around would know that it didn't take much for her to get on that nerve because she KNEW me ... all she had to do was rub her hands all over my face and tell me that I was going to breakout and you would have thought I was being kidnapped for the way I screamed "MOM!!!!!".... yep.. that right there was best friends in the making for sure hahahahaha
Like most things in life you take for granted .. you have to lose it to really appreciate the value it had in your life before it was gone.
Well the year my family moved to Korea was the year I lost my sister... at least temporarily. I flew out of boston with my mom and 3 of my other siblings leaving my sister who had just graduated from highschool behind to head to wingate university pretty much all by herself.
That meant she wasn't even going to see me or any of my family till she flew to Korea almost a year later for Christmas break.
Rough doesn't even begin to explain how hard it was for me to not have her around.. and I can't even put myself in her position...anxiety attack is the first thing that comes to mind. She is a whole lot braver than I am and if I didn't mention this before we are NOTHING alike...really really.
Anyways with her not there I had that horrible sinking feeling of .. I am not going to be able to waltz into her room singing at the top of my lung just to have her scream for me to get out of her room... I wasn't going to have her around to do makeovers with or color. I wasn't going to have the buddy who would dress up in hula skirts with my little sister and come busting up into our room when I was upset and start dancing like crazy till a smile was back on my face and I had joined in on the dance party. yes that was my sister... she was the girl who managed to sit down and write me letters every month even though she was in ROTC, a swimmer on wingates team, and a full time student with ridiculously amazing grades... She blows me away! & I am so so so thankful that by the time I was back in the states I knew my sister wasn't someone I had to be around . She was the person that I couldn't live a day without! At my highschool graduation she wasn't able to make it because of her job but for my night of wisdom that my mom has for every Girl who graduates where the incredible women in mine and my mom's life write letters of wisdom to the graduate for encouragement on their journey through college and life. My sister's letter is the one that made me unable to fight back tears.
Her letter showed just how well she knew me... and I will never forget the advice she gave me within that letter...
There were 4 key points:
1. Stay true to yourself
2. Always put Jesus first
3. Be prepared
4. Pray without ceasing.
Obviously I'd be a fool not to take her words for advice. She is quite the gem and I am so glad he found a man to match that!
Phil, her husband, is my pal. I remember that I knew he was going to propose to my sister 6 months out and I had to keep it a secret from everyone...easier said than done.. but I felt so honored when he came to me and told me that he was going to propose and showed the th gorgeous ring he had bought! & I remember the day that he asked my dad for her hand in marriage. My dad was out at the grill cooking up a storm and my dad called through the window for a drink... so I sent that kid on his merry way with a drink for my dad.. He turned around before he went outside and was like I am nervous out of my mind!! and I responded why? he adores you.. He said are you crazy? I am asking to marry his daughter! I just laughed and shut the screen door between us. Good times! haha He is such a sweet guy. He loves my sister with all his heart and he always puts her before himself. He is the kind of guy who bought my sister a house while she was stationed in boston and when her stuff was shipped to the house he literally stayed up almost 24/7 just so that he could make sure the house was perfect when she arrived! I can't help but be thankful that my best friend ended up with the man or her dreams and so much more.
My other brother is Tyler or TyTy whichever you prefer.. he is a firecracker. He makes SNL seem like the news . He is more hilarious then anyone I have ever met and he has a personality that everyone enjoys being around. Even when his jokes aren't that funny you can't help but laugh because he literally can't get the next word out because he is laughing so hard at his own story! He is light hearted and has taught me not to take life to seriously but remember that there is a time for everything. He is currently engaged to moe. They are two peas in a pod and she shares my love of science and nature. She loves to laugh and she has smile that lights up a room! I can't wait to call her my sister-in-law!
Siah is my younger brother. He is now 16 and growing up faster than I can keep up. He is a bright young individual who is creative and he has the most phenomenal musical talents. He can just listen to a song once on the radio and he can play it on the guitar no problem. Then there is all the music he has composed himself... I am so proud of him and how he growing up to be such a man of God. He is full of energy and magic tricks! not just silly magic tricks.. he is like watching the illusionist. He is AMAZING! He did one trick where he made objects in the room levitate and my oldest brother Zach sat at the table for two hours trying to figure out how it was done... he was unsuccessful by every means. This kid wakes me up just to chill and watch a movie with him or play hide and go seek.. yes just the two of us haha but we always make the most fun of those times!
Then there is my younger sister Lauren. She is turning 14 on friday!! She is best friends with Siah and they are connected at the hip! She is a fun loving girl who has such a passion for people! She at 13 went on her first missions trip to Romania and she raised half of the trips cost by starting her own jewelry making company and it has been quite the success! She loves God is such a way that I can't describe and that love just flows over to me every time I am around her. She made up her mind since I think 4 that she was going to be a missionary and I haven't doubted her once! Her ambition is driven by her love for Christ and nothing more. I hope that never changes.
Last but not least is Olivia! My parents are in the process of adopting my sister from China.. it has been a hard almost 3 years since we started the process and my parents are dying to have her home safe with our family so if you are reading this please don't hesitate to pray that she'll be able to come home as soon as possible!
Well that sums up a lot of where I am from now.. some people may say that my life seems pretty much picture perfect. HA
No WAY! But I wouldn't have it as perfect. I love my family exactly how it is.. the way God made it.
Also by how I described my parents you probably are thinking they came from household similar to the one they have provided for me.. WRONG!
My dad has been through more than I ever want to. He came from such a broken family raked with abuse and abandonment.
My dad is nothing like his step dad or his real father.. but my dad chose to seek after his heavenly father and in turn God has blessed him.
That choice my dad made has made all the difference in my life. God is all the difference.
that is my background at least my family background...
next question to tackle will be :
What experiences have shaped the way I am today?
well that was a ridiculously long first post..If you actually read the whole thing then WOW!
this blog will log my journey to my goals and sorting out questions...
so I leave you today with the song I have been listening the most too lately
Silverchair's After All These Years
listen up.
Now for my dad. This man is wise not by his own understanding but because he seeks God's counsel first. Awesome, I know. He will give you advice when you ask or he'll ask you if you wouldn't mind if he gave you a few words of wisdom and if you said "No" he'd be fine with that response.. but he is the kind of Guy that you are just dying to know his opinion. Seriously, almost half of my siblings are married and have their own families now.. yet they still call to ask my dad for advice.. You probably are thinking "duh, they call because he is their dad".. that was my perspective too for sometime till I worked in the same building as my dad. Then I realized just how rare of an individual my dad is.. I mean I worked in a building with a good 6, 000 other people and whenever someone heard my last name they would be like.. wait are you related to Tom Walrond?" and the first time I was asked that question I wasn't sure if I would get a good or bad reaction from the truth.. but I took a breath and said "yes I was his daughter".. the first words that came out of their mouth usually was.. "I hope you know how lucky you are.. you have such a wise father and he is a person I could only hope to live up to." That was when I really sat back and realized how lucky I actually was to have such amazing parents!.. I mean come on.. there are people who kill to have such caring and loving parents as I have. yes, I am no question about it blessed.
Ok so here it goes with my siblings...6 right!
My oldest brother is Zach.. we are too a like to even start describing and I used to never want to admit that we were ... I guess it's one of those sibling things where you hate to say you are alike regardless haha sad huh! It honestly took my brother going off to college for me to actually appreciate who he was and that's when I started accepting our similarities as a blessing that some people don't have the chance of having. He is the kind of guy that is leader in all he does. I know that is broad to say "all" but I believe if you are a leader at heart and you put your heart into everything you do then you can't help but be a leader in .. "all" you do. Before my brother went off to school we would argue for the sake of arguing.. If we had just noticed that we were making the same points in different ways.. we would have made a killer debate team!
I love my brother. He is now married to an amazing young lady and is a C17 pilot:) in the air force. I remember it was the day of my brother's rehearsal dinner and I was curled up in my bed because I hadn't eaten in two days because everything that went down came RIGHT back up. disgusting. Zach came into my room and sat next to me and was asking how I was feeling.. I was so upset that I HAD to be sick right before my brother's wedding... Right as he asked me I told him I wasn't doing alright.. and burst into tears. He asked what was the matter.. and I was like are you sure you are marrying the right girl? I told him I wasn't sure his fiance was good enough for him because at the time i didn't know his fiance very well and I thought that there was absolutely no way that she could possibly know my brother's true worth! Thankfully he reassured me that he knew this was the woman that God wanted him to marry. And he was right, she is. Thank goodness my brother is never one to self doubt. Brie(my brother's wife) is just what my brother needed for a wife. So I had one of those foot in mouth moments that occurs a lot and shows me just how much more I still have to learn.
My oldest sister and my best friend is Kayla. Believe me we were not always best friends.. it was a roller coaster of a friendship for the longest time growing up and I am not even sure you could have called it a friendship then.. and that was because she had to live in the same room as me. hahhaha I am not sure if I need to go any further but anyways...we both basically did everything in our power to get on each others last nerve and for anyone who was around would know that it didn't take much for her to get on that nerve because she KNEW me ... all she had to do was rub her hands all over my face and tell me that I was going to breakout and you would have thought I was being kidnapped for the way I screamed "MOM!!!!!".... yep.. that right there was best friends in the making for sure hahahahaha
Like most things in life you take for granted .. you have to lose it to really appreciate the value it had in your life before it was gone.
Well the year my family moved to Korea was the year I lost my sister... at least temporarily. I flew out of boston with my mom and 3 of my other siblings leaving my sister who had just graduated from highschool behind to head to wingate university pretty much all by herself.
That meant she wasn't even going to see me or any of my family till she flew to Korea almost a year later for Christmas break.
Rough doesn't even begin to explain how hard it was for me to not have her around.. and I can't even put myself in her position...anxiety attack is the first thing that comes to mind. She is a whole lot braver than I am and if I didn't mention this before we are NOTHING alike...really really.
Anyways with her not there I had that horrible sinking feeling of .. I am not going to be able to waltz into her room singing at the top of my lung just to have her scream for me to get out of her room... I wasn't going to have her around to do makeovers with or color. I wasn't going to have the buddy who would dress up in hula skirts with my little sister and come busting up into our room when I was upset and start dancing like crazy till a smile was back on my face and I had joined in on the dance party. yes that was my sister... she was the girl who managed to sit down and write me letters every month even though she was in ROTC, a swimmer on wingates team, and a full time student with ridiculously amazing grades... She blows me away! & I am so so so thankful that by the time I was back in the states I knew my sister wasn't someone I had to be around . She was the person that I couldn't live a day without! At my highschool graduation she wasn't able to make it because of her job but for my night of wisdom that my mom has for every Girl who graduates where the incredible women in mine and my mom's life write letters of wisdom to the graduate for encouragement on their journey through college and life. My sister's letter is the one that made me unable to fight back tears.
Her letter showed just how well she knew me... and I will never forget the advice she gave me within that letter...
There were 4 key points:
1. Stay true to yourself
2. Always put Jesus first
3. Be prepared
4. Pray without ceasing.
Obviously I'd be a fool not to take her words for advice. She is quite the gem and I am so glad he found a man to match that!
Phil, her husband, is my pal. I remember that I knew he was going to propose to my sister 6 months out and I had to keep it a secret from everyone...easier said than done.. but I felt so honored when he came to me and told me that he was going to propose and showed the th gorgeous ring he had bought! & I remember the day that he asked my dad for her hand in marriage. My dad was out at the grill cooking up a storm and my dad called through the window for a drink... so I sent that kid on his merry way with a drink for my dad.. He turned around before he went outside and was like I am nervous out of my mind!! and I responded why? he adores you.. He said are you crazy? I am asking to marry his daughter! I just laughed and shut the screen door between us. Good times! haha He is such a sweet guy. He loves my sister with all his heart and he always puts her before himself. He is the kind of guy who bought my sister a house while she was stationed in boston and when her stuff was shipped to the house he literally stayed up almost 24/7 just so that he could make sure the house was perfect when she arrived! I can't help but be thankful that my best friend ended up with the man or her dreams and so much more.
My other brother is Tyler or TyTy whichever you prefer.. he is a firecracker. He makes SNL seem like the news . He is more hilarious then anyone I have ever met and he has a personality that everyone enjoys being around. Even when his jokes aren't that funny you can't help but laugh because he literally can't get the next word out because he is laughing so hard at his own story! He is light hearted and has taught me not to take life to seriously but remember that there is a time for everything. He is currently engaged to moe. They are two peas in a pod and she shares my love of science and nature. She loves to laugh and she has smile that lights up a room! I can't wait to call her my sister-in-law!
Siah is my younger brother. He is now 16 and growing up faster than I can keep up. He is a bright young individual who is creative and he has the most phenomenal musical talents. He can just listen to a song once on the radio and he can play it on the guitar no problem. Then there is all the music he has composed himself... I am so proud of him and how he growing up to be such a man of God. He is full of energy and magic tricks! not just silly magic tricks.. he is like watching the illusionist. He is AMAZING! He did one trick where he made objects in the room levitate and my oldest brother Zach sat at the table for two hours trying to figure out how it was done... he was unsuccessful by every means. This kid wakes me up just to chill and watch a movie with him or play hide and go seek.. yes just the two of us haha but we always make the most fun of those times!
Then there is my younger sister Lauren. She is turning 14 on friday!! She is best friends with Siah and they are connected at the hip! She is a fun loving girl who has such a passion for people! She at 13 went on her first missions trip to Romania and she raised half of the trips cost by starting her own jewelry making company and it has been quite the success! She loves God is such a way that I can't describe and that love just flows over to me every time I am around her. She made up her mind since I think 4 that she was going to be a missionary and I haven't doubted her once! Her ambition is driven by her love for Christ and nothing more. I hope that never changes.
Last but not least is Olivia! My parents are in the process of adopting my sister from China.. it has been a hard almost 3 years since we started the process and my parents are dying to have her home safe with our family so if you are reading this please don't hesitate to pray that she'll be able to come home as soon as possible!
Well that sums up a lot of where I am from now.. some people may say that my life seems pretty much picture perfect. HA
No WAY! But I wouldn't have it as perfect. I love my family exactly how it is.. the way God made it.
Also by how I described my parents you probably are thinking they came from household similar to the one they have provided for me.. WRONG!
My dad has been through more than I ever want to. He came from such a broken family raked with abuse and abandonment.
My dad is nothing like his step dad or his real father.. but my dad chose to seek after his heavenly father and in turn God has blessed him.
That choice my dad made has made all the difference in my life. God is all the difference.
that is my background at least my family background...
next question to tackle will be :
What experiences have shaped the way I am today?
well that was a ridiculously long first post..If you actually read the whole thing then WOW!
this blog will log my journey to my goals and sorting out questions...
so I leave you today with the song I have been listening the most too lately
Silverchair's After All These Years
listen up.
